By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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