oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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