A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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