oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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