cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
