Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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