Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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