What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
