i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
