I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
