You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
