Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
