Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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