got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
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I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
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This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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