you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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