Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
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Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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