just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
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the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
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No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
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