Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
