operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
