I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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