I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
