So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
