tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
