John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
