The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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