careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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