Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
