she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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