How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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