dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
