I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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