May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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