you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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