Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Randomize
