Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
