Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
