as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize