So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
