And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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