You're my little dorito
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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