Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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