threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
