OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
