Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
