Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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