i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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