When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
