yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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