either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
