She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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