No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
