where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Randomize
