my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
This baby is an asshole
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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