It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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