i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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