Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
