I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
