I can't watch pbs sober anymore
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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