i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
