the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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