yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
