he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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