Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
